The Self-I-Killer-Blog#4

The friendship.

Aylesh had got admitted to M J college,Bangalore for Engineering on a Waiting List quota.He wasn’t a good student and took engineering only due to parental pressure.Aylesh though had one great quality and that was, he being a fantastic Guitarist.His ambition was to get enrolled in A R Rahman’s school of music.His dad owned 3 Uber car’s while his mom ran a bakery shop.

College changed Aylesh’s outlook.In three months he started growing a Ponytail,got his right ear pierced in two places,graduated from Beer to Weed.The boy next door became a Cool Dude.

Aylesh took up Sound Engineering,he was sure it would help him for his future-plus it would keep his dad and the pocket money part sorted.In class Aylesh soon became close pals with Suparna and Yogita.They had similar tastes in music,cinema and outdoor treks.

Suparna or Su was a Bengali her dad was working in an IT firm at whitefield,and her mom was a Banker in a Pvt Bank near MG Road.She had no siblings.

Yogita or yogi was from Chandigarh.She was Su’s bestie.They were mates from school, half the college suspected they were lesbians.Yogi’s dad was an running a restaurant,her mom was a homemaker.

Su was gorgeous to look at-there was hardly a boy who could not but stare at her,all the girls also stared at her -she was an object of envy for the girls.She had all the traits of a hot bong-Yogi on the other hand was not as blessed as Suparna she was an average looker,but she was sexy in her own way.There was hardly a moment that the two girls were away from each other-it was as if the phone was made for them.Soon Aylesh became a part of the duo.They became a Trio.Aylesh like all other boys was quite smitten with Su,but he made no moves.He was sure she was way above his reach.

The three always went home together, in the tube.

As they were travelling together Aylesh saw an update on his phone about the death of 5 people in the Mumbai Suburban railways.

“dude look at this-another selfie death,can you beat it?Apparently the tracks were flooded and they got down to take selfies.They assumed that the line would not be switched on.Saale chutiyas were standing on a flooded track and clicking away when a train came in the opposite side and mowed them down.Unka tho biryani bhi nahin banega!”

Eagerly Su and Yogi came closer and had a glance at the gory pictures.They laughed at the deaths of the five.

Yogi sniggered and said”Sahi main dude where do these villagers come from?Fucker’s can’t think beyond a selfie and boobs dude”the others laughed at her joke.

Su then had an idea,she said lets enlarge the pic and take a Selfie and post it on social media we will name it- “good riddance to the Selfie Chutiyas”.The others had a laugh and took a selfie in the train and tagged each other.

Su then searched on Google,and informed the others” guys did you know selfie deaths are just next to road accidents? In the last week alone In Karnataka we have had 36 deaths-7 just in Chik Manglur.The idiots were standing on one rock and were taking a selfie.One slipped and he pulled down the rest.”

Yogi,the joker in the pack said “Su,that’s like a bungee jump without the rope”

“ya man-death in the clouds,I guess”

They soon reached their station,Su usually dropped Yogi off in an auto.Yogi and Su hugged Aylesh who had to take a bus to his home.They continued talking.

“Yogi you know that Bastard Rahul right? Third year?”

“Ya Su,he has that Sexy Enfield man,yaar I will kiss him for a ride in the back,his bike is so hot re”

“shut up man-you have no class-you should become a Sunny Leone Yogi!He is a creep dude,he came up at the canteen yesterday and took me for a spin Saale ne ek pothole nahin choda- I should have worn a chest guard man,but ya man his bike is kick ass and I am going to ask him to teach me”

“Su you are hilarious dude,with boobs like yours even I would take my bike across every possible pothole and bumper!Yaar kuch bhi bol,he is cute, so learn the bike and learn to ride him too!!”

“Hmm ya he is kinda cute,he sings well too plus his dad is an IAS so must be well connected let’s see if he asks me out,Yaar Yogi Aylesh plays the guitar so well man”

“I know Su,he does play it well,he is head over heels in love with you Su,but phattu hain he will never come and tell you.”

Su was pleased she had another admirer,though she brushed off Yogi’s comments on Aylesh.

The chat instead continued on Rahul’s cuteness,and his obvious interest in Su.Soon Yogi’s home came and she got dropped off.They continued chatting on WhatsApp though.Most of it was around Rahul and his bike.

The College band

The college band was planning to recruit new musicians,singers to play for an upcoming fest.Aylesh decided to enrol.Su also enrolled-she applied for Vocals.

To his and to his buddies pleasant surprise Aylesh won a place as a bass guitarist.Su did not make the grade,but she assured Yogi and Aylesh that all was good.Inside she was not very pleased,she felt jealous that Aylesh had won a place.She was sure girls now would swarm around him.He was on his way to become a Rockstar.

Aylesh had to throw a party.To his dismay the whole gang wanted a party at Toits.It was an expensive joint.He however had to agree,what started with a group of 6-7 people soon swelled to a number of about 15.There was no way he could back out.Aylesh had to go to his dad and ask him for money.His dad agreed to give him 15K which left Aylesh short by another 10K.

He pinged Su and Yogi immediately.Su agreed to get him the 10K.Aylesh was so relieved that he send a kiss and a hug emoji to Su.

Yogi pinged Su-

“PING”

“bol Yogi”

“see I told you na,phaatu has the hard on for you re”

“Shut up Yogi,he is just thankful that I got him the dough”

“Su,do you wear blinkers? Can’t you see him? His eyes pop out when he sees you,he gets nervous,stammers-seriously man you are blind”

“Ooh please Yogi,anyways did you check out twitter? There were 2 more selfie deaths-this time on a highway-all 3 were high on coke and were standing on a curve near hosur.They were taking selfies and a bus mowed them down-haraami logon ka chutney ban gaya.Only one survived baaki dono ka DNA bhi wipe out ho gaya”

“was it mint chutney or tomato Su?”

“You are a bitch Yogi-but dude imagine the third one how did he survive?”

“Yaa na?tell you what Su,maybe be had an affair with the guys mom’s and he killed them-so that his friends did not know what he was upto .Su give your thakela brains a rest man,stop this selfie stuff”

“hee hee seriously dude,but ya something about these selfie deaths re,this is more scarier than blue whale,everyday it’s like a wave taking people away”

“Woh tho hain-Su what if Rahul sends you a pic of his?and threatens to jump off if you don’t agree to sleep with him?

“Will ask him to jump Yogi his bike is not that sexy man”

“hee hee,nahin yaar he is cute Su! If you don’t want him man,divert him to me re I want to get laid Su”.

The Party

The party was a smashing success,the euphoria of Aylesh getting into a band,the booze,the coke that they had snorted made the pub buzz with hormones,energy and sex.Close to midnight the party had to shut down.Su was to drop Yogi and a few girls off in her borrowed car,Aylesh was to take a ride with another friend.

They were taking the lift to the parking lot but Aylesh and Yogi had to wait as the lift was full,in the Low Black dress Yogi was looking sexy.Aylesh went closer and kissed her-it took her by surprise but she soon responded.They went on smooching till the lift came.The lift came and they stepped in.They continued making out till it stopped in the basement.Aylesh walked Yogi to the car and left.

Yogi was the first to get off,she reached home waited a while for Su to get home and immediately Pinged Su.

“SUUUUUU”

“haan bol re,Jaan”

“I got Kissed man-boy I tasted whisky from his mouth”

“what the fuck- who was it?”

“guess Su guess”

“no dude I can’t pls tell me Jaldi,I have no charge left”

“ok ok-it was Aylesh yaar Su he kisses like a dream re his goatee is so cuteeee I am bloody wet all over”

“Aylesh????are you kidding me Yogi?mera Aylesh?i mean our Aylesh?When did he kiss you?”

“arre Su you guys left us near the lift na?there- we kissed and kissed in the lift dude,he even bit me in the ear-Su I am done waiting for guys man,I wanna sleep with him.”

Su was silent her head was pounding, for the first time a guy had ignored her and chosen an ordinary Yogi over her.

“Yogi chal kal baat karte hain,have no charge left and I wanna crash,he is just the guy for you-love you both,chal Goodnight’

“GN re I am not going to sleep Su-what a kiss man-I can still feel his lips”

Su did not sleep either,she experienced an unique emotion-Jealousy.She opened Google and started surfing.

The Trip

Next morning Yogi woke up with her phone pinging-

“Jaanu you sure na about Aylesh?he is a muslim dude”

“arre Su,I am not getting married re-I want to have fun and move on”

“Yogi you know na guys who pierce their right ears have gay waala tendencies”

“Yaar Su I don’t care I will make him a Bi Sexual re…hee hee hee I know myself re”

“Chal na lets make a trip to Hogenakkal- Just the three of us,you know they have boating in that Parisal type of boat?it goes round and round,it looks like an inverted hat.We will book a lodge and get drunk!you know Yogi,they have mini whirlpools and crocs too”

“haan done re Su,but 2 rooms haan?you stay in one and watch porn-and Aylesh and I will make porn-and Su no threesome Haan,I am not sharing my man”

“haan haan Sure you bloody horny bitch”

“hee hee”

The trio met in the canteen.

Before Su could bring out the idea,Aylesh spoke out to Yogi-

“Yogi,how would you liked to be kissed on your forehead in the morning with some bad coffee”

Yogi answered

“dude are you proposing or is this a kiss after the sex”

“for now the latter”

Yogi Laughed,so did Aylesh & Su reluctantly joined in.

Yogi then put forth the plan to go to Hogenakkal.Aylesh loved the idea of the adventure and the sexcitement of a night romp with Yogi.

Yogi said she did not know how to swim,neither did Aylesh.Su could manage.

Aylesh was even more excited when she pinged him to bring a box of condoms.

Su spend half the night with google again.

Hogenakkal

The next morning the trio hired a Zoom car and pushed off to Hogenakkal,they booked two rooms in a B&B.

They took a boatman who agreed to take them as near the waterfalls as possible,and take them around at least a couple of whirlpools.He said crocodiles don’t come near till they see a lot of action in the water.

The three climbed into the Parisal,its instability was an understatement. It twisted and turned like a top.

They were up and away and soon reached the falls.Yogi wanted to take pictures the boatman asked her not to get up-she ignored him,went upto her Aylesh and kissed him.Su cringed.

Yogi and Aylesh kept taking selfies after selfies.Su was ignored.They even asked her to take pics of them kissing.

They soon reached near a whirlpool, the boatman showed them a lone crocodile which was at quite a distance.

As they reached the whirlpool Su got up to go near the other two, she wanted to take one selfie with them before she put her plan in motion.Aylesh and Yogi were oblivious, they were groping at each other and taking selfies.

Su stood up to move towards them,before the boatman could warn her-Su’s sudden movement toppled the boat.All 4 were in the water.Su overestimated her ability to swim,the whirlpool sucked her in.The crocodile seeing the commotion and hearing the screams decided to join the fray.

The boatman swam away to safety.

They found Yogi’s phone a day later,they could partially recover the pictures.It was full of selfies.

Yogi’s and Aylesh’s remains were found 3 days later.

Su was never found.

A week later

People travelling in the tube had only one topic-

“yaar what chutiyas man-imagine taking a selfie inside a Parisal..yaar were their brains grazing grass somewhere-I tell you man pot will kill our brains”

“I swear bro,what a freaky death! becoming lunch for a croc,the crocs had a feast dude-A muslim biryani,with Punjabi butter chicken and some Bengali fish,only thing missing was a sweet dessert dude”

“dude bongs have a sweet bone you know,I am sure the crocs would have managed”.

The internet exploded with the latest selfie deaths.

“With the death of 3 M.E students, from Bangalore,the number of selfie related deaths in India for the first time has overtaken road fatalities,the opposition continues to target PM Modi that he is encouraging selfies with his own self-obsessed pictures, Parliament was stalled again”.